An Endless Bliss
by fiona d
Summary: Three kisses between Tosh and Owen.
1. Christmas Miracle

**Christmas Miracle**

It was quite a production, the first time Tosh got up the nerve to kiss Owen.

She was a scientist at heart, a logistician. There were parameters to be set and variances to be considered. After many hours she came up with a solution that would leave her dignity mostly in tact if it didn't completely work but still would give her a high probability of meeting her goal.

It was the holidays after all, so the mistletoe was a given. The deployment of the mistletoe gave her pause. But she thought she found a way it would work. She calculated all the permutations and it yielded a kiss from Owen 95% of the time.

Step one was to kiss Ianto. Kissing her other team members with the mistletoe should've made Owen more open to it as he'd only be taking part of a tradition and not declaring any feelings for her. She chose Ianto as the first co-worker to kiss because they were friends, he was sweet, and she was almost certain that he would give her a kiss.

And he did. She slipped Ianto his gift and held the mistletoe over her head. "Happy Christmas, Ianto."

He smiled fondly at her. "Happy Christmas, Tosh." He leaned over and gave her a small, but heartfelt kiss. As they pulled back, she noticed that his ears had turned a bright red. She laughed and kissed his cheek.

Next up was Suzie. Suzie would be the tricky one. They were never particularly close, though, as the only two women in Torchwood, they did share a certain bond. No gift really for Suzie, but Tosh had baked her a plate of shortbread and sugar cookies. She presented them and held the mistletoe over head. "Christmas kiss?" she asked.

Suzie looked up at her with her eyes that saw too much. There was a pause before she leaned forward and gave Tosh a quick air kiss on each cheek. "Happy holidays, Tosh."

"You as well, Suzie."

For Jack, she waited until she had some of Ianto's rum-filled eggnog in her, during their annual holiday party. She wasn't afraid that he'd reject her. She was slightly concerned about just what he would think the kiss meant.

As it turned out Jack, being Jack, knew exactly what the kiss was about. She had the mistletoe dangling overhead, and he waited until Owen turned to face them before sweeping her into his arms, dipping her low, and giving her a kiss that literally took her breath away.

He disengaged and returned her to her upright position. She said the only thing that she could manage in that moment. "Wow."

"I know," Jack grinned. "I've had some practice."

"It shows." Shaking off her daze, she smiled up at him. "Thank you."

"Anytime, Toshiko. Anytime."

Despite all the build-up when it came to Owen's turn, she lost her nerve. It didn't help that the others were all watching her expectantly. This included Owen. She approached him at his desk and he smiled up at her, waiting.

"Here's your gift," she said, laying the small wrapped box next to his hand. "Happy Christmas." It was obvious that he was expecting more, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it, and she retreated to her own area without another word.

She looked over to where the other three had been watching to catch Suzie roll her eyes and head back to her station, Ianto smile at her sympathetically, and Jack grin enigmatically.

About ten minutes later, all her work finished and no reason to stay, she took her leave and headed across the Plasse to meet the taxi she'd ordered. About halfway to the street, she was brought up short by Owen jogging up to catch her.

"Oi, Tosh, hold on." He caught her sleeve just as she was turning. "What was that, then?" he asked.

Best to play dumb. "What was what?"

"You know what. You snogging everyone but me."

"It wasn't snogging," she sniffed. "Just a little peck under the mistletoe."

"Oh, come on, Jack's tongue was halfway down your throat."

He really was the most frustrating ass, and she decided she didn't feel like dealing with him on Christmas of all days. "Good night, Owen."

Turning back towards the street, she made it two steps before he stopped her again. "Sorry, sorry. I'm being a twat." Hard to argue with that. "I guess I'm just feeling snubbed."

His smile was sweet and the look on his face was so adorably apologetic, that she couldn't help but smile. "Would you like me to get out the mistletoe, Dr. Harper?"

"Please, Miss Sato."

She pulled the greenery from her pocket and held it up over her head. All she expected from Owen was a small peck, similar to what she'd gotten from Ianto. What she didn't expect, was him to snake an arm around her waist and pull her close, and use his free hand to gently push an errant lock of hair off of her face.

"Happy Christmas, Tosh," he whispered, before lowering his lips to hers. It was a brief kiss, but gentle and heartfelt. He pulled away a few inches to look her in the eye. Staring back up at him, she wondered if he could hear her heart hammering in her chest. His head lowered again and she closed her eyes and let instinct take over.

The mistletoe dropped to the ground as she looped one arm around his neck and combed the fingers of her other hand through his hair, lightly scraping her nails on his scalp. She imagined it met his approval, as he moaned and deepened the kiss. His arm tightened around her back and his hand cupped her cheek before sliding back to comb through her hair.

Their lips massaged each other and soon his tongue was gently probing hers. His body pressed flush up against hers and she desperately wished they were against a wall because her knees were starting to go weak.

Both of his hands came up to cup her face and he pulled back a few inches. "Bloody hell, Tosh." His voice was ragged. For a moment they just stared at each other, his eyes boring into hers and she couldn't read his expression. He lowered his head again and gave her a hard kiss.

This kiss was something different and everything had shifted so fast that Tosh couldn't find solid ground. She took his head in her hands to get back some control and that just seemed to fuel their fire more. They were grappling with each other and Tosh wondered if the this was really the same world it had been five minutes ago when someone cleared their throat behind her.

"Sorry to interrupt," Suzie said in a dry voice, forcing them to break apart from each other. "Just wondered where Owen got to as he left his jacket back in the Hub."

Owen's eyes were downcast, but he lifted them for a moment to look at Tosh one last time. Then he disengaged and stepped around her to face Suzie, and Tosh did the same. "Yeah, sorry, just wishing Tosh a happy holiday."

"Well, it seems you've done a pretty thorough job of it, haven't you?" Suzie's tone remained dry, but her eyes flashed, confirming what Tosh had long suspected: Owen and Suzie had something between them. A sense of guilt and jealousy ripped through her, instantly bringing her down from the high she had been riding.

Suzie's eyes fixed on Tosh. "Isn't it funny how if you don't watch things constantly, people may just come and steal them away."

Still a little annoyed, Tosh wasn't about to be cowed by Suzie so easily. "Pardon me?"

"Your cab, love," Suzie smiled smugly. "It's waiting on the road, but it's Christmas Eve, and I see that couple eyeing it."

Sure enough, the taxi was waiting patiently by the curb, and a young couple were gesturing towards it from down the street. "Oh, yes, I shouldn't keep him waiting." Nodding vaguely at both of them, she said, "Good night," and quickly strode to the car.

After getting in and giving her address, Tosh looked back to see Owen and Suzie bickering with one another. As her cab pulled away, she saw Owen look up, his eyes following her. With her lips still tingling and the warmth of his hands still on her face, she couldn't help but feel that maybe she had a chance with Dr. Owen Harper after all.


	2. Regrets, I've Had a Few

_This chapter takes place during the missing year when The Master kidnapped Jack._

 **Regrets, I've Had a Few**

The Himalayas were bloody cold. Desolate, depressing, and most definitely not a vacation destination. Prime Minister Saxon had lured them there to get them out of the way. And to get rid of them permanently. Owen had no doubts about that. Not that the Prime Minister had exactly been subtle about that since they arrived. No back-up and an invasion of highly dangerous aliens to keep at bay. At least until their imminent death.

It was imminent. Gwen was already gone. The Toclafane had converged upon a Buddhist monastery, killing them at random. The temple had a series of underground passages and rooms where many of the monks took refuge, but escaping from the monastery could only be done with two or three monks at a time. They had transported about forty of the hundred or so surviving monks to a village that had gone unnoticed, nestled in the side of a mountain. On one of their retrievals, Gwen had gotten caught in the open by a Toclafane and was dead before she knew what had happened. Owen and Tosh were about five feet from her, safely inside the entrance to one of the secret passages, unable to do anything.

Ianto had disappeared about a month after that. Tosh steadfastly refused to believe he was dead and Owen didn't want to crush what little hope she had left. The truth was, he couldn't accept that possibility either.

Before Gwen had been killed, the four of them found an abandoned mine about halfway between the monastery and the village and had set up a ramshackle kind of camp. There was a sad bunk house which didn't keep out the wind or rain or much of anything, but it was shelter. They fixed it up as best they could, and got it to a point where it kept them warm during the freezing mountain nights and kept most of the elements out.

After Gwen died, they continued to sneak out two or three monks at a time from the monastery and transport them to safe ground. It was from one of these trips that Ianto never returned.

With no vehicle and bad weather fast approaching, Tosh and Owen decided that it was for the best that they stop their activities and prepare for the harsh winter. They stockpiled food and firewood, and tried to get the bunk as liveable as possible.

When the really cold weather hit, it was a shock to them both. The fire seemed to die more quickly, and though they only needed to leave their shack to gather snow to melt into water, any time they left it seemed to take hours to warm back up again. At night, they took to sleeping on the same bunk to double the blankets on them and combine their body heat.

One morning, when Owen went to fetch the snow, the air outside felt different. Something was off. He could sense it. He stooped to scoop snow into the pot and in that moment the wall behind him was peppered with laser fire, splintering the wood.

"Fuck!" he yelled, and ducked into the bunk house, miraculously unscathed by the lasers whizzing by him. Tosh was on her feet in a second, blearily reaching for a gun before she was even fully awake.

"What? What's going on?"

Owen put down the pot, surprised that he had even managed to keep hold of it, and picked up his own gun. "They've found us."

They took up positions at opposite corners of the cabin and kept watch. Occasionally a Toclofane would reveal itself and if one of them had a good shot they would take it, but they were conservative as they knew they didn't have a lot of ammo.

After about five hours of this, they had taken out seven of the orbs and no others had shown themselves in over an hour. Owen gestured for Tosh to sit down. "You should get something to eat. Rest for awhile. We can keep watch in shifts until they show themselves again."

Tosh nodded and did just that. When she swapped places with him awhile later, he choked down some of the food and checked their supplies. They could last maybe a week. Maybe. And that was as long as the Toclofane sent to kill them didn't come out in larger numbers. Otherwise, their ammo would hold them only a couple of days.

"It's not good, is it?" Tosh glanced back at him for a brief second.

No use in lying. She was too smart for that anyway. "No, it's not."

"How long, you reckon?"

"A week. At most."

"So probably only a day or two."

Owen nodded. "Yeah."

For a moment, the only sound was the slight whisper of the breeze through the broken glass. Owen wasn't sure what he'd expected, but he thought there might be tears or some sort of fuss. So it was a shock a minute later when Tosh looked back at him and said, quite calmly, "We should make a run for it."

Owen's line of thinking had been taking him the same direction. "Yeah?"

"Yes. I don't want to… go like this, Owen, trapped in a room, nowhere to hide." He'd seen it in her before. Brief flickers when their backs were to the wall. Tosh did not enjoy confinement, could not bear it.

He nodded. "All right, then. Let's get ready."

As they armed themselves to the hilt they formed a plan of escape. They'd head for the river and follow it down towards the nearest village – probably a day's walk, but it was the best they could do.

Once they were ready, Owen was suddenly hit with the gravity of what was about to happen. He knew, he just _knew_ that they weren't going to get out of this. Felt it deep in his gut.

"Tosh?"

She glanced up at him and he saw those same certainties reflected in her eyes.

He did the only thing he could think of. Wrapping one arm around her back, and drawing her close, he threaded a hand through her hair and kissed her gently. Her hands came up to cup his face and she tenderly kissed him back.

They separated, but his hands stayed looped around her and her hands remained on his face. "We've had some good times, yeah?" he said.

She nodded. "We have."

"Whatever happens, Tosh, I'm glad I'm with you. Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Me, too." She kissed him briefly, then pulled out of his arms. "All right. Time to go."

Bracing themselves by the door, the smiled at each other one last time, then ran out into the waning light.


	3. Mirror Blue Night

_AN: Well, this is it. I'm glad I found this and finished it. It's reminded me of how much I loved Tosh and Owen. I think a season 2 rewatch is in order. Thanks for reading!_

* * *

 **Mirror Blue Night**

Following the clean up from Gwen's wedding, Tosh flopped down onto the sofa in the lobby of the Inn. Her feet were sore, and her muscles ached, but she felt oddly wired – undoubtedly left over adrenaline from the excitement earlier in the day.

The sofa bounced a little as Owen plopped down next to her. "Well, that's it. I got the last guest settled into bed. Did you finish in the hall?"

Tosh nodded, "Ianto and Jack just packed up the DJ equipment and that was the last of it. They also headed back for Cardiff so I'm afraid you'll have to catch a ride with me."

"I don't think so, Ms. Sato," Owen shook his head. "You're staying right here."

"Where exactly? I didn't book a room."

"I checked and there's one left. Come on, Tosh, you're dead tired and it's a two hour drive back to Cardiff."

"Well, I was hoping you'd drive."

"And I will. Tomorrow. Once you're rested and can navigate for me, because you know how crap I am with country roads." He stood and held out a hand. "Come on, your room's all ready."

She allowed him to pull her to her feet and was surprised when he didn't let go, but instead kept her hand firmly in his as they walked up the stairs.

"It was a lovely wedding," Tosh commented. Owen looked back at her as though she were daft.

"Yeah, what with the alien baby and the killings, it really was a beautiful afternoon."

"I meant the ceremony itself. And the reception. With all the… well, crap that we deal with, it's nice to see one of us have something sweet and relatively normal."

Owen's expression softened and he smiled. "Yeah, it is."

They reached the room and Owen opened the door, gesturing for her to go in. Once inside, she turned to face him. "What will you do tonight."

He shrugged. "Usual, I suppose. Stare off into space for a few hours. Contemplate the meaning of life. And the meaning of death. Cheerful stuff like that."

"Sounds like fun."

"Oh, it is."

Without even thinking it through, she said, "Stay with me."

The look on Owen's face was almost comical. "What?'

"Tonight. Stay with me."

"Tosh, I can't… And even if I could…"

"I'm not propositioning you, I just thought we could talk. And maybe if you just lay down for awhile, even you aren't sleeping, maybe your brain can turn off."

He grinned, wryly. "It's not the turning off that worries me."

Oh. She remembered his fear. That if he gave in to the darkness, if he shut himself off, he'd be stuck in that void forever. "I'll be here to anchor you. Anywhere you go, I'll bring you back."

There was still hesitation in his eyes, but he nodded and followed her in, closing the door behind him.

She could see how this might be one of his worst nightmares. Quaint little inn, four-poster bed, floral-patterned everything. But she honestly didn't have any ulterior motives in inviting him to spend the night. Since his resurrection, she'd noticed a numbness about him that she didn't like. What had drawn her to Owen in the first place was his intensity. Even when he was pretending to be apathetic, she could see the fire in his eyes. But the fire had been dimming more and more of late, and she had a feeling that it wasn't so much that he'd stopped caring about everything, but that he was simply getting burned out.

They all kept a change of clothes in the SUV and she found her bag sitting on the bed. Owen gestured to it. "Took the liberty of grabbing that, hope you don't mind. Figured we'd both want some clean clothes in the morning."

"Yeah, thanks."

They both stared at the bed, and then Tosh fingered her dress, wondering just what she was supposed to sleep in. Owen solved that problem, too. Digging through his own bag, he tossed her a sweatshirt. "You can wear this tonight. I got a couple of shirts in here, and I can just sleep in what I'm wearing."

She took the shirt to the bathroom and changed into it after freshening up. Luckily it came down mid-thigh so she could get away with not wearing anything else.

When she emerged from the bathroom, Owen had curled up on the small sofa, down to his boxers and a t-shirt.

"Owen, it's a king-sized bed," she said, pulling down the covers. "We could both stretch out like starfish and not touch one another."

Climbing into the bed, she kept firmly to one side and patted the other. He'd been staring at her with an odd look on his face since she emerged from the bathroom, but that seemed to break him of it. With only a smidgen of reluctance, he swung off the couch and onto the bed.

They both shifted into sleeping positions and Tosh felt her weary body and mind giving over to the soft bed and cool sheets. It was then she realised that the overhead lamp was still on and that the switch was on the other side of the bed.

"Owen, do you mind switching off the lamp?" she gestured to the knob just over his night table.

He rolled his eyes, and reached for it. "Yes, dear."

Tosh must've been even more tired than she thought, because that was the last thing she remembered until waking up about four hours later according to the glowing numbers on the clock radio. It was still dark out, and everything was silent.

"Owen?" She whispered his name, not wanting to rouse him if he was actually getting some rest.

The bed shifted. "Yeah?"

"Have you been awake all this time?"

"Not really. Not sleeping either. Sort of in between, in-and-out."

She turned to face him, trying to make out his features in the gloom. "In and out?"

"Yeah." He also turned to face her, raising himself on one elbow. "Every time I feel myself drifting off, I remember what it was like, and jerk myself back. And the truth is, I don't need sleep, so any sort of biological imperative to rest is overridden by my brain."

"Must be strange for you, having your brain in charge after all these years."

There was a pause, and then Owen said in an incredulous voice, "Tosh, are you taking the piss?"

Honestly, she hadn't even realised what had come out of her mouth until that second. And all she could do was giggle. And giggle. And giggle.

She was still quite tired.

Owen harrumphed. "Can't believe it. Baring my bloody soul to you and all you can do is make fun of me."

Immediately feeling contrite, Tosh stopped. "Oh, Owen, I'm sorry, I didn't think –"

Her apology was interrupted by a snort of laughter from his side of the bed. She crossed her arms, flopping down on her back. "Bastard."

"So, you can dish it out, but you can't take it?" he chuckled.

There really was only one thing to do in these situations.

His laughter was interrupted when her pillow smacked him in the side of the head.

Tosh's belly filled with anticipation and a tiny bit of anxiety for ten seconds until he spoke. "Oh, darling Tosh, you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

About half a second after that she had a very good idea as he launched an aerial pillow attack, using both of their pillows to land down-filled thumps. She managed to wrest away one of them, and used it to block blows and get in her own. They were making quite a bit of noise, laughing and squealing, and it occurred somewhere in the back of Tosh mind that it was a good thing all the hotel guests were drugged because otherwise there would be complaints.

Owen managed to pitch away her pillow and she threw his which left him hovering over her where she lay, his face inches from hers. The mood shifted. It was almost tangible. The air thickened, the lights dimmed, the universe contracted until it was just him and her.

Tosh had fantasized similar scenarios in the past, but it had been different then. She'd imagined a mad, passionate affair of the bodice-ripping sort, not this quiet, sweet moment, born of friendship and affection.

Slowly lowering his lips to hers, Owen dropped one soft, tender kiss. As she'd discovered when he kissed her in the hospital, Owen's lips were cool, but not unpleasantly so. And unlike the hospital, this kiss was slow, drugging, heartfelt, and gentle.

It wasn't their first kiss, but for Tosh it almost felt that way. When they had kissed that Christmas, Tosh had put way too much work into it – there wasn't enough true feeling behind it. And when Owen kissed her in the hospital, it had been calculated and desperate. But with this kiss, for the first time, Tosh felt the depth of Owen's feelings for her.

They stayed that way for awhile, making out softly, gently. Articles of clothing were removed, but things stayed somewhat chaste. A gentle stroke here, a caress there.

Owen pulled away slightly and rested his forehead against hers. "God, what I wouldn't give to be alive right now."

She grasped his hand which cupped her face. "I know."

"I just feel so bloody useless. You deserve more, so much more. You deserve everything."

"I don't want more, Owen. I never did. I just want you. However I can have you." She leaned up and kissed him.

"My Tosh," he sighed into her lips. When he drew back, there was an impish smile on his face. "Well then, Miss Sato, even if we can't be together in a traditional sense, there are still a lot of things we can do."

Tosh grinned up at him. "Really? Do tell."

"I have a better idea. Why don't I show you instead?"

Sighs and moans and laughter and whispered devotions filled the room for the rest of the night. And when the sun came up the next morning, Tosh slumbered in the arms of Owen, who slept peacefully, knowing she would wake him in the morning.


End file.
